When your brain won’t be quiet
For years, I have managed my anxiety and depression the way I manage most things in life — with discipline. I run. I lift weights. I push through. Miles on the pavement. Sweat on the floor. Music in my ears. Movement has always been my medicine. It gave my thoughts somewhere to go. It burned off the edge. It helped me feel strong when my mind felt fragile. But lately… it’s different. It feels like my world is spinning just slightly off its axis. Not enough for everyone else to notice. Just enough that I can feel it constantly. My OCD tendencies — the ones I’ve quietly managed for years — are louder. I don’t struggle with intrusive thoughts. It’s not dark or catastrophic in that way. It’s just… relentless. My brain won’t quiet. I count everything. Steps. Reps. Stairs. Tiles. If I don’t make my bed, I feel unsettled all day — like something is wrong and I can’t fix it. If something is out of place, it hums in the background of my mind until I correct it. ...